calloperators | TEST DRIVE

TEST DRIVE

> Hello, you have reached the 1-800-HOTLINE Test Drive. We are currently unable to take your call. Whilst we put you on hold, feel free to play around for a while...

***

Waking up
Where the hell were you last night? Maybe waking up in an unfamiliar bed with a blacked-out memory isn't so unusual for you, but that buzzing in your head is. The phone beside you rings with a 7:00 AM wake-up call, and a message left behind:

Go downstairs, to the lobby. Meet the others. Don't get attached, and don't mention this call.

The AC is busted and in this hot summer, you probably won't want to stay in your room forever.

What's new, Pussycat?
Of course, there's much more around here than just the motel. Stepping out and hitting the town will give you plenty to do. There's stores aplenty, but that's nothing to say of the good residents of the stores; your friendly neighborhood bodega cats. They're content to laze around the aisles, though the more playful sorts may swat at your wayward accessories as you pass by.

Don't mind that they seem to disappear - and reappear - with a blink. That's just something cats can do.

Hungry?
Of course you are! There's plenty of places to eat here, but why go to some no-name joint when you can go to McDonalds? They've got burgers, they've got fries, they've got McPizza, and they even have a playplace! ...Though you're probably too old for the ball pit.

Regardless of what you order, if you even order, the cashier presses a small toy into the palm of your hand. Don't you feel a pair of tiny eyes on you?

McMurder
For fuck's sake, someone only went and killed a guy in the McDonald's parking lot. Maybe his head is smashed in under that chicken mask, or maybe you'll want to check? You could do the right thing and work out who did this, or you could make off with his baseball bat. The choice is yours.

Night life
What good's a city that goes to sleep? When the sun goes down, the lights go up. The city becomes aglow with every colour of the neon rainbow, with bowling alleys, nightclubs, karaoke bars, arcades and soon-to-be-extinct roller discos competing for your attention until the sun comes up. You're here, there's no curfew, it's time to make the most of it.

Wildcard
Have something else in mind? Go wild, and party like it's 1989.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Oh, Jesus.

Venkman's probably seen a dead body or two before. It kind of comes with the line of work, you know? You hang around a bunch of ghosts, eventually you're gonna see That Which Comes Before A Ghost, IE a dead human body.

Still, this is gruesome. Venkman very lightly kicks at the body with the tip of his shoe, grimacing, and tries to roll it over so he can get a better access to the guy's pockets- to look for an ID in his wallet, of course, God- when he hears the muffled voice. He turns around and looks from the gas mask- creepy- to the lighter they're holding out- even creepier. He takes an automatic step back and holds his hands up placatingly.]

... Uhhh. I feel like burning a corpse outside a McDonalds might give people some weird ideas about what kinda meat they're preparing in there.

[~~so no fire?~~

They tilt their head, then glance back at the corpse. Sad. They drop their hand at their side, casually flicking the lighter as they watch Venkman work. They like this person, even if he does make weird jokes that they don't always understand.

Click. Click. Click.]

Hudda mmmph mmmrhmph hrmmnd?

[They point at Venkman questioningly. In their line of work, corpses just clean themselves up. There's no real question of where they go or what happens to them afterwards, and the mercenaries certainly don't stop to shuffle through the person's belongings. What's he planning to accomplish here?]

Edited 2019-01-18 06:05 (UTC)

[~~THROWS PHONE~~

Venkman nods, once, relieved that Pyro's apparently given up on setting the corpse aflame. For now. He crouches on the ground, gingerly patting at the dead man's pockets.]

Trying to see if I can find something to identify the body with. It, uh, looks like the face is too smashed in to recognize. If I can find a driver's licence or something... Nah. No wallet. Someone else must've-

[He frowns. Very slowly, he digs his hand into one of the pockets. And pulls this out.]

... Well. At least no one stole his prized possessions.

[At the sight of the toy, Pyro's goggles practically light up with excitement. Which is quite difficult to tell, given that they look exactly the same as they did a minute ago. They drop the lighter in the ground before hastily crouching over to pick it up. Can't let go of it. Feels nice to click the lighter. They run a gloved thumb over the smooth surface.

They then make grabby hands towards the worm on a string, clearly excited. Do you dare give it to them?]

Ok. Scratch that. No one stole his prized possessions until now.

[He shrugs, and hands it over.]

Not like he's gonna need it. Go nuts, kid. Lemme know if he decides to haunt you for it.

[Venkman goes back to look over the dead body, his hands hovering over it slightly as he tries to gather the guts to actually Touch A Corpse. He wouldn't bother, but the cops are useless at best, corrupt at worst. The least he can do is try to maybe contact this guy's next-of-kin or something. Maybe even find a couple tips as to who did this and why.

Without the wallet, that's all seeming less and less likely, but it can't hurt to try to do a thorough examination, right?]

You got a stick I can poke him with?

[Or he could do that. Look, he doesn't want to touch dead human flesh today, he just ate.]

[They snatch up the worm and immediately start fiddling with it, threading it between their fingers and pulling it through. It's impossible for them to feel that through their gloves, right? Either way, they seem to be pleased.

At the request, Pyro looks up, still somewhat distracted by the worm. Stick? They glance around, and--oh! There's something they can use. It's covered in ■■■■■ and ¿¿¿¿¿¿, but it's okay! Scout uses it sometimes, which means it's good.

They pick up the ■■■■■-covered baseball bat and hand it over to Venkman. The ■■■■■ stains their glove (and the worm), but they don't seem to notice.]

[Venkman sees Pyro return out of the corner of his eye with something that certainly looks like a stick, and reaches out his hand automatically, still peering at the body.]

Yeah, thanks, buddy-

[... Why does his hand suddenly feel wet and sticky and warm.]

[Venkman looks at the baseball bat. He's been offered the far end of it by Pyro, and his hand is currently clenched around what looks like a mass of blood, hair, and what he can only assume is brain matter and skull fragments. Not that Venkman really takes his time to examine it, of course, because the instant he realizes his hand is covered in fucking blood, he fucking takes the bat and flings it across the parking lot in a reflexive gesture to get it as far away from him as physically possible.

It goes soaring right into a nearby car and clips the side view mirror, partially tearing it off and shattering the mirror itself.

There's a long moment of silence while Venkman alternates between staring at his hand and the offending bat in mortified horror, shaking slightly. He wipes his hand off on the pavement, which does very little except smear blood on the ground, but he sure as hell doesn't want this on his uniform.

After a few seconds, he clears his throat and glances at Pyro, trying to sound civil.]

Ok, bud. Never do that again.

Edited (fixed typo) 2019-01-18 07:11 (UTC)

[Pyro watches silently as Venkman reacts to being given the bat. Their head follows its trajectory as it gets launched at the car and probably costing whoever owns it a few hundred dollars in fees. For a moment, they don't react as they hear the glass shards of the mirror clatter against the asphalt.

Ghostbuster doesn't like baseball bat? Scout says everyone loves baseball. They slowly turn to face Venkman, their labored breathing audible through the mask vent. There's a long pause as they stare down at him.

And they start clapping for him with great enthusiasm. That was a really good throw! Okay, if Ghostbuster doesn't like baseball, they won't give him baseball stuff. They nod and give Venkman a thumbs up, trying to make it clear they understand. Probably.

Maybe he wants the worm back? They crouch down next to Venkman--likely too close for comfort--and carefully hold out the ■■■■■-stained worm for him.]

[You know what. Sure. This is his life now. He leans back a little bit, an uneasy attempt at a smile on his face. The con-man grin only works so well, and it's damn near useless when he's out of his element like this.

The bloody worm on a string is... a surreal sight, to be honest, and it drags a nervous laugh out of him.]

Nah, that's- that's yours now, right? I don't need it.

Um. Maybe give it a bath at some point, though.

[They stare at Venkman for a little too long and then shrug, continuing to play with the worm between their fingers. Suit yourself. This is almost as fun as watching things burn.

...Oh! Which gives them an idea! Ghostbuster said give it a bath, and they can do that! They sit down next to the corpse, seemingly unbothered by the grisly scene before them. In their free hand, they take the lighter and start flicking it next to the worm. Eventually, the fur starts to smoke as flames start to engulf the toy. They hold the worm in their palm, light flickering and reflecting off of their goggles.

Smells like plastic burning.]

... Cleansing by fire. Alright. I can dig it.

[He may be wildly concerned about being murdered by Pyro right now, but fear for his life has never stopped Venkman from making stupid jokes.

Venkman shakes his head, looking from the bloody, burning toy to the corpse on the ground.]

Important question- are you sure you didn't kill this guy?

[They tilt their head to the side like an inquisitive dog. ■■■■? Of course not, that would be ridiculous. They definitely wouldn't use a baseball bat--that'd be infringing on Scout's brand. They have their own way of dealing with things. After a pause, they shake their head, gesturing towards the flaming worm in their hand.]

Mmphm hrrmmmh drmmhm mmph.

[They then make what appears to be...a chopping motion with their free hand? Is that what's happening? Okay. Try to puzzle what you can from that, Venkman.]

[He taps his chin, thinking. Honestly, Venkman didn't actually think Pyro did this- no signs of fire damage on the body, after all. But it felt like an important question to get an answer to, so.]

Are you trying to mime how you'd kill a dude? ... Do you karate chop them to death?

Oh boy. I was never good at charades. How many syllables?

[Karate? Is that the thing that Soldier was trying to teach them before? They didn't really like doing it--why punch people when you can burn them?

The fire engulfing the worm has started to die down, and all that's left is a smoldering pile of blackened fur and some melted googly eyes. They drop the worm on the ground, apparently losing interest after it finished burning.

They hold up a single finger--one syllable. They then mime the chopping motion again, this time as if their hand was gripping a handle of some sort.]

Edited 2019-01-18 16:31 (UTC)

[Venkman watches the worm fall, and barely represses a shudder. For some reason, the sight of the burnt toy is disturbing the hell out of him. Not quite as much as the one who burned it, though. Or the dead body he's still crouched next to.]

... Axe? You're saying you would've chopped this guy up?

[The confirmation that, yeah, Pyro has definitely killed before has done Absolutely Nothing to soothe his nerves.]

[They clap and nod their head enthusiastically. Yes! Axe! They seem pleased that Venkman understood. Good job! They don't seem terribly bothered that Venkman now knows that they've █████ people. That's their job, after all, and they love their job!]

Murmmph mmphm mmmph hrngrdr hhumm!

[And then they gesture to the lighter, as if driving the point home that they would have definitely lit this dude on fire. At least people will know if they ever commit a murder....]

Edited 2019-01-18 16:58 (UTC)

[Great. Cool. This isn't terrifying in the slightest.]

You know this means if someone wanted to frame you for murder, they'd just need to burn the body a lil', right?

[They pause for a moment. Huh. They hadn't thought of it like that!]

Wrll, mmrph mmr drmdit, thrmm wrmmdn't fhmmphd ddmm brdy.

[They let out a quiet muffled chuckle, which only is slightly more terrifying than what they just said.]

[Did. Did he hear that right. Oh God.]

Ok. Uh. Gonna just let you know, you probably don't ever want to tell anyone else that, ever again. Because that's the kind of talk that gets you in jail for life.

[In fact he probably should be considering turning Pyro in, but. ACAB

Plus even if they are completely fucking terrifying, they're... friendly? Friendly. And also the least of his problems right now.

He turns back to the dead body, and gingerly Touches The Corpse with his bloodied hand. He's looking for anything that can be used to identify him- tattoos, maybe, or piercings...]

[...Pyro's sort of confused by what messages Venkman is sending. He sort of gives off the same vibes as Engie does in that he tells them what to do and what not to do, but if Engie was not as soft. Hm. They tilt their head to the side silently, then turn their attention back to the body. After a few more moments of silence, they point towards something on the body--]

Mmph!

[--on the person's wrist is a really shitty Slimer tattoo that looks as if it was done with a stick and poke. Okay.]

... I changed my mind, buddy. Burn his wrist.

[Ghostbusters get enough bad publicity as it is, he doesn't need fucking Slimer merchandise of all things in the news associated with a fucking homicide.]

[You said the magic words, Venkman. Pyro practically springs into action, flicking the lighter on and holding it right up against the Slimer tattoo. It takes a few seconds for the skin to start to smoulder, and Pyro keeps holding the flame against the skin. Venkman can hear short, excited wheezing coming from Pyro's mask.

Smells like barbeque.

Surely, there must be a way to speed this up. Skin takes a long time to burn. Hairspray, aerosol cans...they look towards Venkman in excitement, hollow eyes staring directly into his soul. A request.]

[Do you ever just say something and know you've made a mistake and it's far too late to do anything about it and now you're watching your own dumbass decision play out in front of you

Venkman jerks away from the body and from Pyro, suddenly breathing hard. He didn't expect Pyro to react so quickly- he should've, though. That was stupid. This was stupid. Oh, boy, Venkman, what've you done this time? This is basically covering up evidence. Aiding a homicide.

Ah, fuck it. If those phone calls keep going on, he might have to do a lot worse soon.

The look Pyro is giving him is still really concerning, though. Venkman offers a shaky attempt at a smile.]

What- uh, whaddya want?

mcmurder [cw: cannibalism joke]

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1/?

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3/3 [gore text]

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tw: gore text ish? burning flesh??

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