TEST DRIVE

[calloperators]

> Hello, you have reached the 1-800-HOTLINE Test Drive. We are currently unable to take your call. Whilst we put you on hold, feel free to play around for a while...

***

Waking up
Where the hell were you last night? Maybe waking up in an unfamiliar bed with a blacked-out memory isn't so unusual for you, but that buzzing in your head is. The phone beside you rings with a 7:00 AM wake-up call, and a message left behind:

Go downstairs, to the lobby. Meet the others. Don't get attached, and don't mention this call.

The AC is busted and in this hot summer, you probably won't want to stay in your room forever.

What's new, Pussycat?
Of course, there's much more around here than just the motel. Stepping out and hitting the town will give you plenty to do. There's stores aplenty, but that's nothing to say of the good residents of the stores; your friendly neighborhood bodega cats. They're content to laze around the aisles, though the more playful sorts may swat at your wayward accessories as you pass by.

Don't mind that they seem to disappear - and reappear - with a blink. That's just something cats can do.

Hungry?
Of course you are! There's plenty of places to eat here, but why go to some no-name joint when you can go to McDonalds? They've got burgers, they've got fries, they've got McPizza, and they even have a playplace! ...Though you're probably too old for the ball pit.

Regardless of what you order, if you even order, the cashier presses a small toy into the palm of your hand. Don't you feel a pair of tiny eyes on you?

McMurder
For fuck's sake, someone only went and killed a guy in the McDonald's parking lot. Maybe his head is smashed in under that chicken mask, or maybe you'll want to check? You could do the right thing and work out who did this, or you could make off with his baseball bat. The choice is yours.


Night life
What good's a city that goes to sleep? When the sun goes down, the lights go up. The city becomes aglow with every colour of the neon rainbow, with bowling alleys, nightclubs, karaoke bars, arcades and soon-to-be-extinct roller discos competing for your attention until the sun comes up. You're here, there's no curfew, it's time to make the most of it.

Wildcard
Have something else in mind? Go wild, and party like it's 1989.

Comments

[neverstudied]

[You know what. Sure. This is his life now. He leans back a little bit, an uneasy attempt at a smile on his face. The con-man grin only works so well, and it's damn near useless when he's out of his element like this.

The bloody worm on a string is... a surreal sight, to be honest, and it drags a nervous laugh out of him.]

Nah, that's- that's yours now, right? I don't need it.

Um. Maybe give it a bath at some point, though.

[rainblower]

[They stare at Venkman for a little too long and then shrug, continuing to play with the worm between their fingers. Suit yourself. This is almost as fun as watching things burn.

...Oh! Which gives them an idea! Ghostbuster said give it a bath, and they can do that! They sit down next to the corpse, seemingly unbothered by the grisly scene before them. In their free hand, they take the lighter and start flicking it next to the worm. Eventually, the fur starts to smoke as flames start to engulf the toy. They hold the worm in their palm, light flickering and reflecting off of their goggles.

Smells like plastic burning.]

[neverstudied]

... Cleansing by fire. Alright. I can dig it.

[He may be wildly concerned about being murdered by Pyro right now, but fear for his life has never stopped Venkman from making stupid jokes.

Venkman shakes his head, looking from the bloody, burning toy to the corpse on the ground.]

Important question- are you sure you didn't kill this guy?

[rainblower]

[They tilt their head to the side like an inquisitive dog. ■■■■? Of course not, that would be ridiculous. They definitely wouldn't use a baseball bat--that'd be infringing on Scout's brand. They have their own way of dealing with things. After a pause, they shake their head, gesturing towards the flaming worm in their hand.]

Mmphm hrrmmmh drmmhm mmph.

[They then make what appears to be...a chopping motion with their free hand? Is that what's happening? Okay. Try to puzzle what you can from that, Venkman.]

[neverstudied]

[He taps his chin, thinking. Honestly, Venkman didn't actually think Pyro did this- no signs of fire damage on the body, after all. But it felt like an important question to get an answer to, so.]

Are you trying to mime how you'd kill a dude? ... Do you karate chop them to death?

Oh boy. I was never good at charades. How many syllables?

[rainblower]

[Karate? Is that the thing that Soldier was trying to teach them before? They didn't really like doing it--why punch people when you can burn them?

The fire engulfing the worm has started to die down, and all that's left is a smoldering pile of blackened fur and some melted googly eyes. They drop the worm on the ground, apparently losing interest after it finished burning.

They hold up a single finger--one syllable. They then mime the chopping motion again, this time as if their hand was gripping a handle of some sort.]

[neverstudied]

[Venkman watches the worm fall, and barely represses a shudder. For some reason, the sight of the burnt toy is disturbing the hell out of him. Not quite as much as the one who burned it, though. Or the dead body he's still crouched next to.]

... Axe? You're saying you would've chopped this guy up?

[The confirmation that, yeah, Pyro has definitely killed before has done Absolutely Nothing to soothe his nerves.]

[rainblower]

[They clap and nod their head enthusiastically. Yes! Axe! They seem pleased that Venkman understood. Good job! They don't seem terribly bothered that Venkman now knows that they've █████ people. That's their job, after all, and they love their job!]

Murmmph mmphm mmmph hrngrdr hhumm!

[And then they gesture to the lighter, as if driving the point home that they would have definitely lit this dude on fire. At least people will know if they ever commit a murder....]

[neverstudied]

[Great. Cool. This isn't terrifying in the slightest.]

You know this means if someone wanted to frame you for murder, they'd just need to burn the body a lil', right?

[rainblower]

[They pause for a moment. Huh. They hadn't thought of it like that!]

Wrll, mmrph mmr drmdit, thrmm wrmmdn't fhmmphd ddmm brdy.

[They let out a quiet muffled chuckle, which only is slightly more terrifying than what they just said.]

[neverstudied]

[Did. Did he hear that right. Oh God.]

Ok. Uh. Gonna just let you know, you probably don't ever want to tell anyone else that, ever again. Because that's the kind of talk that gets you in jail for life.

[In fact he probably should be considering turning Pyro in, but. ACAB

Plus even if they are completely fucking terrifying, they're... friendly? Friendly. And also the least of his problems right now.

He turns back to the dead body, and gingerly Touches The Corpse with his bloodied hand. He's looking for anything that can be used to identify him- tattoos, maybe, or piercings...]

[rainblower]

[...Pyro's sort of confused by what messages Venkman is sending. He sort of gives off the same vibes as Engie does in that he tells them what to do and what not to do, but if Engie was not as soft. Hm. They tilt their head to the side silently, then turn their attention back to the body. After a few more moments of silence, they point towards something on the body--]

Mmph!

[--on the person's wrist is a really shitty Slimer tattoo that looks as if it was done with a stick and poke. Okay.]

[neverstudied]

... I changed my mind, buddy. Burn his wrist.

[Ghostbusters get enough bad publicity as it is, he doesn't need fucking Slimer merchandise of all things in the news associated with a fucking homicide.]

tw: gore text ish? burning flesh??

[rainblower]

[You said the magic words, Venkman. Pyro practically springs into action, flicking the lighter on and holding it right up against the Slimer tattoo. It takes a few seconds for the skin to start to smoulder, and Pyro keeps holding the flame against the skin. Venkman can hear short, excited wheezing coming from Pyro's mask.

Smells like barbeque.

Surely, there must be a way to speed this up. Skin takes a long time to burn. Hairspray, aerosol cans...they look towards Venkman in excitement, hollow eyes staring directly into his soul. A request.]

[neverstudied]

[Do you ever just say something and know you've made a mistake and it's far too late to do anything about it and now you're watching your own dumbass decision play out in front of you

Venkman jerks away from the body and from Pyro, suddenly breathing hard. He didn't expect Pyro to react so quickly- he should've, though. That was stupid. This was stupid. Oh, boy, Venkman, what've you done this time? This is basically covering up evidence. Aiding a homicide.

Ah, fuck it. If those phone calls keep going on, he might have to do a lot worse soon.

The look Pyro is giving him is still really concerning, though. Venkman offers a shaky attempt at a smile.]

What- uh, whaddya want?

[rainblower]

[They gesture towards the sadly flickering flame. Do you not see the paltry effect it has had against the smouldering flesh? They then mime a spraying action with their free hand, then point to Venkman, and then to the body.]

Frrf.

[C'mon, it's not gonna burn itself!]

[neverstudied]

You- you want me to get, uh, aerosol cans or something? I don't have anything on me that can get a real fire going- and I just wanted you to burn the wrist, kid, we don't need to set the whole corpse ablaze here.

[rainblower]

[They stare at Venkman, the flames from the lighter faintly flickering off of their goggles. Judging. Calculating. The smell of barbecue grows stronger as their empty eyes bore holes into the fiber of Venkman's very being.

After a few moments, Pyro turns to look down at the lighter and clicks it off. The tattoo has been burned and blackened beyond recognition. Maybe they should listen? Ghostbuster has been right so far. But they hate leaving something half-burned. Makes them feel bad. Their foot taps against the ground as they fidget with the lighter in their hand. Their breathing becomes quieter, though Venkman can still hear them wheezing occasionally.]

Nm ffrr?

[They almost sound...sad?]

[neverstudied]

[Hoo, boy. What has Venkman gotten himself into?]

How about we, uh. Find something else for you to burn? Something that's... not a dead human being.

[He tries for the con-man grin, but it's more strained than usual.]

I'm sure we can find some flammable junk, and I can buy ya some spray cans or something to make better. Sound good?

[rainblower]

[They seem to perk up at that, though the thought of leaving this still half-done....it nags at them, but they'll push that thought away for now. Medic said something to them once about replacing these thoughts with something else that they can do, and Venkman is providing that. Medic is good at helping them feel less bad because he is good at talking to them without trying to trick them or be bad. Pyro likes Medic. Medic is a very good friend.

After a short pause, they nod and step away from the corpse. More fire later. Pyro trusts Venkman to give them more fire. Or else they'd get mad.

Click. Click. Click.

You wouldn't want to make this adorable face mad, would you, Venkman?]

[neverstudied]

Yeah. Ok. Good. Thanks.

[... Somehow, Venkman gets the feeling that he may need to fulfill that promise sooner rather than later. (And yes, he was planning to actually do it. Just because he pulled out the con grin doesn't mean it was all a lie! He doesn't have a death wish all the time!)]

Hhhhhow about we leave the dead body touching to the McDonald's staff? We can hit up a convenience store or something.

... I should really wash my hands before we go anywhere, though.

[rainblower]

Uh-huh.

[Pyro nods again, clasping their hands together and walking towards Venkman. Sounds like a plan! Maybe they can go inside to use their bathroom and maybe even order some McPizza or something. Food is important. They point towards the McDonalds in suggestion.]

Hhrmb mmrmph bbrmymhg fbbdd?

[neverstudied]

[Looks at the corpse. Looks back to Pyro.]

I... don't think I'm gonna be hungry again for a while. You go get something if you want, though.

[rainblower]

[Thumbs up! Pyro sprints off into the McDonalds and returns shortly with a cheeseburger and a shake. They would've gotten ice cream, but the machine keeps breaking for some reason. They wave the burger at Venkman as they trot up to him. How the hell are they going to eat it with their mask on? Well, that's just their little secret.]

Rdddy trm ggrm?

[neverstudied]

[Venkman, meanwhile, heads to the McDonald's bathroom to wash his hands. He spends like 5 minutes scrubbing the blood off of him, and by the end of it, he still feels grimy.

Great. So far today, he's gotten his hands covered in blood, touched a corpse, helped destroy evidence, and now he's gonna chaperone a firebug to prevent them from making a second corpse.

... Honestly, Venkman's probably had worse days.

When he meets back up with Pyro, he looks critically at the burger, and makes the the silent decision to keep his eyes on Pyro as much as possible to see how the hell they actually... eat. He's already taken the hint that they don't take their mask off, after all.]

Alright. Where to?