TEST DRIVE

[calloperators]

> Hello, you have reached the 1-800-HOTLINE Test Drive. We are currently unable to take your call. Whilst we put you on hold, feel free to play around for a while...

***

Waking up
Where the hell were you last night? Maybe waking up in an unfamiliar bed with a blacked-out memory isn't so unusual for you, but that buzzing in your head is. The phone beside you rings with a 7:00 AM wake-up call, and a message left behind:

Go downstairs, to the lobby. Meet the others. Don't get attached, and don't mention this call.

The AC is busted and in this hot summer, you probably won't want to stay in your room forever.

What's new, Pussycat?
Of course, there's much more around here than just the motel. Stepping out and hitting the town will give you plenty to do. There's stores aplenty, but that's nothing to say of the good residents of the stores; your friendly neighborhood bodega cats. They're content to laze around the aisles, though the more playful sorts may swat at your wayward accessories as you pass by.

Don't mind that they seem to disappear - and reappear - with a blink. That's just something cats can do.

Hungry?
Of course you are! There's plenty of places to eat here, but why go to some no-name joint when you can go to McDonalds? They've got burgers, they've got fries, they've got McPizza, and they even have a playplace! ...Though you're probably too old for the ball pit.

Regardless of what you order, if you even order, the cashier presses a small toy into the palm of your hand. Don't you feel a pair of tiny eyes on you?

McMurder
For fuck's sake, someone only went and killed a guy in the McDonald's parking lot. Maybe his head is smashed in under that chicken mask, or maybe you'll want to check? You could do the right thing and work out who did this, or you could make off with his baseball bat. The choice is yours.


Night life
What good's a city that goes to sleep? When the sun goes down, the lights go up. The city becomes aglow with every colour of the neon rainbow, with bowling alleys, nightclubs, karaoke bars, arcades and soon-to-be-extinct roller discos competing for your attention until the sun comes up. You're here, there's no curfew, it's time to make the most of it.

Wildcard
Have something else in mind? Go wild, and party like it's 1989.

Comments

Graverobber

[thegreenhornet]

[Wait what? Ew ew ew. Who does that kind of thing to a body?! Can't you just look at it and do nothing else, pal? Britt looks a bit green already, and it's not because he's the Green Hornet, that's for sure]

Can't all saws do that?

gore text continued

[blutsauger]

Well, technically, ja, most can. But most hacksaws, for example, are terrible at the job. Oh, you can cut an arm off, alright, if you're willing to hang around for quite a while and put a lot of effort into the task! The teeth clog up too easily and it doesn't cut evenly.

No, no, a proper bonesaw is best. Unless you want me to tear this arm off with brute force!

[He is. Way too jazzed about this.]

[thegreenhornet]

[You definitely are too jazzed about this, pal]

I'm not sure if that's worse or not!

[Britt shakes his head, pacing around, but he sure isn't getting in Medic's way. Mess with that corpse all you want, just don't expect Britt to lend you a hand because that's where he draws the line, hah]

You're having too much fun with this, you know that?

[blutsauger]

I get that a lot. Personally, I think most people just aren't having enough fun. Quite the killjoys, if you ask me.

[Not only are they killjoys but they take no joy in killing. its extra sad.]

I take it you have no idea where I can procure a saw, then? Not even a hardware store in the area?

[thegreenhornet]

Look, I'm all about having fun, but the moment the fun includes sawing through bones I say it's too much fun for one night.

[This is the guy whose concept of fun was to go out and fight mooks -- and almost die in the process, but that's not intentional -- yet you're too hardcore for him, Medic]

I dunno! But that's not gonna stop you, is it?

[blutsauger]

[He pouts.] Oh, come on. It's not like he needs his legs anymore, yes? If I can find a proper source of electricity and I act fast enough, I can attach these to potatoes and watch them try to walk around on their new appendages while they scream with no mouths for me to end their suffering and temporary sentience. That's fun, ja?

[thegreenhornet]

[Well that's a mental image. Britt stares at him in disbelief, opens his mouth to protest doing something so crazy, and in the end all he can ask is...]

You can do that?

[What are you, a mad scientist]

[blutsauger]

Oh, yes. That and much more, my friend. That is what you miss out on when you cry about the ethics of borrowing limbs from men who will never again live on our mortal plane.

Now. If you don't know where I can find a saw, can you at least help me carry this body out of the parking lot?

[thegreenhornet]

Sure, I guess I can do that...

[Moving the corpse is right on the line between what he's willing to do and what he isn't, luckily]

Since you're so interested in his legs you take them, I'll go over here. [He moves beside the head of the body, grabbing it from the armpits and cringing with disgust] You owe me a big one, you dick.

[blutsauger]

[Honestly, Medic half expected Britt to completely refuse. He beams delightedly at him as he grabs the dead man's legs.]

Danke, my friend! I believe we are both staying at the same motel, ja? I just need to bring this man back to my room.

[thegreenhornet]

That's got to break some sort of sanitary rule.

[Britt's concerned about the possibility of there being a rotting corpse anywhere close to his room, pretty much]

[blutsauger]

Ehhhhh. [Dismissive hand wave] Maybe, but whoever killed this guy was probably breaking sanitation rules as well. I'm pretty sure dead human corpses outside McDonalds are some kind of health hazard.

At least we're removing him from where people eat! So actually, we are improving sanitation here.