TEST DRIVE

[calloperators]

> Hello, you have reached the 1-800-HOTLINE Test Drive. We are currently unable to take your call. Whilst we put you on hold, feel free to play around for a while...

***

Waking up
Where the hell were you last night? Maybe waking up in an unfamiliar bed with a blacked-out memory isn't so unusual for you, but that buzzing in your head is. The phone beside you rings with a 7:00 AM wake-up call, and a message left behind:

Go downstairs, to the lobby. Meet the others. Don't get attached, and don't mention this call.

The AC is busted and in this hot summer, you probably won't want to stay in your room forever.

What's new, Pussycat?
Of course, there's much more around here than just the motel. Stepping out and hitting the town will give you plenty to do. There's stores aplenty, but that's nothing to say of the good residents of the stores; your friendly neighborhood bodega cats. They're content to laze around the aisles, though the more playful sorts may swat at your wayward accessories as you pass by.

Don't mind that they seem to disappear - and reappear - with a blink. That's just something cats can do.

Hungry?
Of course you are! There's plenty of places to eat here, but why go to some no-name joint when you can go to McDonalds? They've got burgers, they've got fries, they've got McPizza, and they even have a playplace! ...Though you're probably too old for the ball pit.

Regardless of what you order, if you even order, the cashier presses a small toy into the palm of your hand. Don't you feel a pair of tiny eyes on you?

McMurder
For fuck's sake, someone only went and killed a guy in the McDonald's parking lot. Maybe his head is smashed in under that chicken mask, or maybe you'll want to check? You could do the right thing and work out who did this, or you could make off with his baseball bat. The choice is yours.


Night life
What good's a city that goes to sleep? When the sun goes down, the lights go up. The city becomes aglow with every colour of the neon rainbow, with bowling alleys, nightclubs, karaoke bars, arcades and soon-to-be-extinct roller discos competing for your attention until the sun comes up. You're here, there's no curfew, it's time to make the most of it.

Wildcard
Have something else in mind? Go wild, and party like it's 1989.

Comments

all of this drama and it all started over a nugget man

[junosteel]

[As Tonegawa continues to speak, Juno can feel his hands curling into fists, rising rage barely suppressed under a simmering surface. He wants to cut in, but he waits to see how much more pissed off Tonegawa can make him. He doesn't want to argue with this guy in the middle of McDonald's, but...actually, he kind of wants to argue with this guy in the middle of McDonald's. Maybe it's the fact that a few of his arguments have touched a nerve with the scruffy detective. Maybe it's also the fact that anger feels terrifyingly familiar to him--a comfortable poison that does nothing but leave an awful lingering aftertaste in his mouth, but he's been drinking it for so long that it doesn't feel right to just leave it alone.

He lets Tonegawa's question linger in the air for a moment, his nostrils flaring as he glares daggers at him.]

And I bet you pulled yourself up by your own bootstraps, huh? [He lets out a single, sharp scoff-laugh. There's no humor to be found in it.] Full offense, but I think it says a whole lot more about you than it does about me.

You wanna know what I do for a living, asshole? I'm a goddamn private eye, which means it's my job to help the people in this city who can't be helped by anyone else, when the system takes and takes and takes and never gives anything to them. And, sure, you can blame it on them all you want--maybe they did a wrong move somewhere or had one too many sick days, but that doesn't mean that they're broken or can't be helped, and that doesn't mean they need to be punished for being human.

[He jabs an accusatory finger at Tonegawa--and, holy shit, he looks fucking pissed.] But you--you can't wrap your head around the idea that maybe these mistakes get worse when the people in charge do nothing but stroke their own egos and throw money at each other so they can look down at the people dying in the streets and shrug their shoulders and say "well, it's their fault for not being rich". You--You moron, all you've told me is that you don't have a shred of empathy for anybody who's not actively kissing your goddamn ass!

[Juno pauses for a moment, trying to collect himself. When he finally speaks again, his voice is a low growl and gradually crescendos into a vicious snarl.]

So, sir, do you mind shutting your goddamn MOUTH BEFORE I DO IT FOR YOU?!

[He just wanted to sit here and eat his goddamn burger, but if Tonegawa wants to throw down, this detective is 100% ready to deck him in the face.]

i can't believe tonegawa's gonna get his ass kicked in a mcdonald's

[teiaiexecutive]

[Tonegawa's not giving much consideration to the actual words he's saying, but the intensity burning in Juno's voice still unexpectedly manages to catch him off guard. It brings to mind one of the contestants he encountered aboard Espoir... some impulsive idealist with a bomber jacket full of emblems and a head full of empty, who also had a few choice words to say about how "unfair" the system is. ...but at least this lady standing before him is respectable enough to have an actual job- a private investigator, at that. With that in mind, Tonegawa makes himself a mental note that he should probably make the effort to stay on his toes and avoid leaking any vital information about the company to little miss moral compass here.]

[Sneering at the accusative finger pointing in his direction, he moves to envelop Juno's hand in his palms so he can direct them into a familiar position: held low at an equal distance between the two of them, mechanically bobbing up and down in a shrewd businessman's handshake. He addresses Juno in a softer affectation he reserves exclusively for difficult guests he can't afford to offend- but without bothering to sand off the harsh edge of insincerity to his false civility.]

Yes, yes, what a noble cause you've chosen to gain revenue from. But for what it's worth, detective, us upscale socialites aren't all so cold and callous as to casually turn a blind eye to human suffering-

[He snickers lowly, body quaking from the hiccup-like convulsions stirring in his chest.]



...after all, it's such a delight to spectate.

[juno voice] come to the mcdonalds parking lot in the next 5 mins if you want an ass kicking

[junosteel]

[Juno visibly freezes at those words, his eyes focused on Tonegawa's hands. His skin crawls as he slides his hand from the businessman's grip, treating it as thought it were covered in slime. His gaze settles on Tonegawa's smug expression, and, for a moment, there seems to be an inkling of terror on Juno's face.

There's barely a moment's pause when Tonegawa feels a fist connecting with his lower jaw, fueled by sheer overwhelming rage. When you're a scrappy private detective, you learn ways to end fights before they even begin and target people right where it hurts the most. Juno steps back, nostrils flaring and rubbing his knuckles. Juno's previous expression has been swept aside, replaced by a scowl holding nothing but fury and hurt for this absolute asshole.

The cashier seems to have noticed the disturbance and looks vaguely alarmed, but, frankly, they're probably not paid enough to deal with this. It would probably be smarter to just stay quiet and leave, but...he can't help it, he has to get in the last word somehow.]

What's the matter, buddy? Not so fun when you're not spectating, huh?

[Juno lets out a growl of contempt and shoves his hands into his pockets, starting to storm off towards the exit.]

tonegawa found dead in (hotline) miami

[teiaiexecutive]

[Now that caught him off guard.]

[...not as though he didn't expect the detective would clock him- oh no, the possibility of that happening was achingly obvious, even to someone as self-absorbed as Tonegawa. Given how much he was goading Juno on, he would've been surprised to find a lack of hands being thrown in his direction. ...but it all happened so fast that by the time he even began processing that he'd been hit, he was already resting uneasy on dislocated knees, collapsed face-down with a cold hard tabletop pressing firmly against his nose.]

[The disorientation wore off long enough for him to hear Juno's final words- face tensing into an aggravated wince over someone else getting the upper hand on him- but he at least possesses enough sense to stay his tongue and not to incense Steel further than he already has. Or maybe being coldcocked in a McDonald's was embarrassing enough that he's no longer cocky enough to tempt fate any further.]

[So... he's just going to lie low like this while Juno's leaving. As they say, you've got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, and know when to let the lady walk away.]