TEST DRIVE

[calloperators]

> Hello, you have reached the 1-800-HOTLINE Test Drive. We are currently unable to take your call. Whilst we put you on hold, feel free to play around for a while...

***

Waking up
Where the hell were you last night? Maybe waking up in an unfamiliar bed with a blacked-out memory isn't so unusual for you, but that buzzing in your head is. The phone beside you rings with a 7:00 AM wake-up call, and a message left behind:

Go downstairs, to the lobby. Meet the others. Don't get attached, and don't mention this call.

The AC is busted and in this hot summer, you probably won't want to stay in your room forever.

What's new, Pussycat?
Of course, there's much more around here than just the motel. Stepping out and hitting the town will give you plenty to do. There's stores aplenty, but that's nothing to say of the good residents of the stores; your friendly neighborhood bodega cats. They're content to laze around the aisles, though the more playful sorts may swat at your wayward accessories as you pass by.

Don't mind that they seem to disappear - and reappear - with a blink. That's just something cats can do.

Hungry?
Of course you are! There's plenty of places to eat here, but why go to some no-name joint when you can go to McDonalds? They've got burgers, they've got fries, they've got McPizza, and they even have a playplace! ...Though you're probably too old for the ball pit.

Regardless of what you order, if you even order, the cashier presses a small toy into the palm of your hand. Don't you feel a pair of tiny eyes on you?

McMurder
For fuck's sake, someone only went and killed a guy in the McDonald's parking lot. Maybe his head is smashed in under that chicken mask, or maybe you'll want to check? You could do the right thing and work out who did this, or you could make off with his baseball bat. The choice is yours.


Night life
What good's a city that goes to sleep? When the sun goes down, the lights go up. The city becomes aglow with every colour of the neon rainbow, with bowling alleys, nightclubs, karaoke bars, arcades and soon-to-be-extinct roller discos competing for your attention until the sun comes up. You're here, there's no curfew, it's time to make the most of it.

Wildcard
Have something else in mind? Go wild, and party like it's 1989.

Comments

[ghoststanning]

[Ray stares blankly back, unsure how to respond to this sudden staring.]

Huh, that's weird! I wonder why I got it in that case...

[He gently eyes Pyro, not out of judgement, but out of pure curiosity.]

You don't mind me asking why you're wearing a gas mask? I don't want to find out too late that they're pumping this building full of poison gas.

[rainblower]

[They shake their head at Ray's question--at least, as far as they know. They then hum a little, trying to think of the best way to explain.]

Wrrmmk wrth frr. Hrlpms mmprptct mm.

[They...also don't like people looking at them, so that's an added benefit of having protection like this. The mere suggestion of taking off their mask sends them into a panic.

...Speaking of gas, they need access to fire, like, soon. They get nervous if they don't have access to something that can set things ablaze.]

Yuu wrdnmn't hhmrv mm llrghmmtr, mmrhph?

[ghoststanning]

[Oh, ok. Ray is gonna take a moment to try processing this.][A huge bummer.]

A lighter? No I don't have one of those, unfortunately.

[rainblower]

[They look crestfallen at this information as they hang their head slightly. No fire? They woke up here and didn't have anything with them--not their flamethrower, not their axe--so what are they supposed to do now?]

Nmrt mvvmrn mmrtchs?

[They seem to be fidgeting a little, interlocking their fingers and rocking back and forth.]

[ghoststanning]

[Ray smiles helpfully.]

Sorry, I don't. Maybe there's a place around here that has matches?

[C: Maybe?]

[rainblower]

[They scratch their chin, staring at Ray. Their empty eyes gaze straight through Ray's beautiful and kind soul.

And then they grab Ray's hand--not wrist, hand--and gently try to tug him along, pointing towards the exit. They don't seem to be intentionally trying to hurt him--they're just very excited.]

Lmrh's gmm!

[The prospect of finding matches has lit a fire under them.]

[ghoststanning]

Oh?

[Well this is something? They seem nice at least so he will happily come along!.]

Sure, we can go!

[rainblower]

[Yay! New friend obtained! Ray is now a friend because he helps them go find matches. They hurry outside of the motel and into the blazing tropical sun. Heat lines shimmer above the asphalt. The parking lot is almost empty, save for a few nondescript and beat-up cars.

They glance around, seemingly unbothered by the heat. Why would they? They work with fire regularly. Their wheezing becomes quicker as they point to the conveniencd store.]

Hhrmw bummrt dhrr?

[ghoststanning]

[Ray idly wished he at least took of his jumpsuit before going out, and wonders even more how this stranger stands this heat in their whole rubber outfit.

He smiles at them, still confused but hey what's the worst that could happen!]

Yeah I'm sure there's some matches here!

[rainblower]

[Oh, Ray. Sweet, young Ray.

They tug him in the direction of the convenience store, and the automatic doors slide open, blasting them with freezing air. At least the AC seems to be on in here. They start making a beeline to the counter when the skid to a stop, staring down an aisle in shock.

This aisle is filled with teddy bears. They scoop up one of them and start playing with its ears, giggling quietly.]

[ghoststanning]

[Oh! Well he loves looking at teddy bears! Why not make a quick pit stop to check them out-]

Oh my god!

[Ray runs over and picks up this little guy, hugging him like an old loved toy.]

I love this place!

[rainblower]

[Pyro peers over at Ray's toy. How strange! He looks like that tire man mascot that stands and smiles at people. Holding the teddy bear in one arm, they carefully reach out and poke the Stay Puft Marshmallow plush in the belly.

They gaze towards the cashier, then back towards Ray. They don't exactly have money on them right now.

...

They take another teddy bear plush.]

[ghoststanning]

[It's fine what's a little petty theft between friends? Ray happily shows Pyro his little marshmallow man plush.]

Like him? He's the mascot for Stay Puft Marshmallows! They were my favorite treat as a kid.

[rainblower]

[At the word "marshmallows", Pyro practically lights up. They love roasting marshmallows with Engie! Sometimes they also invite Soldier, but Soldier brings his weird cardboard friends sometimes. His friends aren't good for talking to. But, gosh, cooking the marshmallows is the best part of camping trips.

They don't eat them. They just like watching them burn into blackened lumps.

They flap their hands in excitement, still clutching a teddy bear under each arm.]

Wmmr shhdmmd grmt mmrshmmmmlmsws! Plsshs? Plsshs?

[As if Ray needs to be asked for permission.]

[ghoststanning]

[Ray's eyes light up at that! Heck yeah he wants marshmallows!!]

I don't see why we couldn't get marshmallows! What'a fire without them, after all?

[Ray please...]

[rainblower]

[They clap their hands, clearly excited at the prospect. It's like watching two puppies getting along with each other, except they're both grown adults and one of them has a PhD and another one habitually sets things on fire. It's just like that sometimes.

They dart into the next aisle and return with three bags of marshmallows in hand--and some plastic lighters, because the more fire, the better, right? They toss a bag in Ray's direction and then start heading towards the door.

...

They still haven't paid, but that doesn't seem to break their stride. The cashier sputters a little.]

[ghoststanning]

[Ray grabs the marshmallows and waves to the cashier as they head out.]

We'll pay you back, I promise!

[Ray is just already eating the marshmallows like some complete weirdo save this poor cashier.]

[rainblower]

[Success! Pyro glances back at Ray before immediately placing all of the marshmallows down on the sidewalk and gesturing for Ray to stop.

They walk over to one of those free tabloid dispensers and take out a stack of them--not like anyone's going to read it, anyways. They messily tear out a few pages before carefully crumpling them up into balls and placing them on the asphalt. They then weigh the papers down with the other tabloid and crouch down, flicking their new lighter and--

...Oh. Okay. They're just starting a fire right out side of this convenience store. They sit down, cross-legged with their head resting in their hands as they watch the fire start to spread.

...Might wanna do something about that, Ray.]

[ghoststanning]

[Uh....]

Maybe we should make sure that the fire is controlled? Setting this town on fire is one of the last things I want right now.

[rainblower]

[Pyro looks up at Ray, excited for a fleeting moment about the prospect of lighting the whole town on fire. Oh, but...Medic said it's bad to do that when people are still living in places, which confused them, because they ████ people with ████████████ all the time. But the people living in towns aren't mercenaries, usually.

They glance down at the fire, head drooping a bit. But, hey! He didn't say no to burning things, which means he's still an okay guy. What did Engie use to build campfires, again...?]

Rhhcks?

[ghoststanning]

[Ray breathes a sigh of relief, glad that he doesn't have to worry about the town burning down.]

I can build the campfire for you! I didn't go to Boy Scouts for nothing!

[Ray goes to grab some loose bricks so they can start setting up the fire.

Like.

In the middle of the parking lot.

It's fine.]

[rainblower]

[They clap with enthusiasm, watching with interest as Ray does his thing. How curious! They've never built a fire in a parking lot. Well, at least not with someone else helping.

Pyro starts unwrapping a bag of marshmallows when they realize that they don't have anything on them for a stick. Hmm. It's fine--they can just hold it in their glove above the fire. It's asbestos for a reason!]

[ghoststanning]

[That may be fine and dandy for you, Pyro, but Ray isn't wearing his gloves right now so he can't do that.]

Ah right, we need sticks for the marshmallows, huh?

... Maybe I can find some sticks to whittle down for them?

[He's grabbing sticks right now anyway]

[rainblower]

[They look towards Ray and watch him start gathering sticks, hand still hovering over the flames. The marshmallow is now on fire, but they don't seem to mind. Wordlessly, they turn to Ray and hold out the flaming marshmallow towards him, as if expecting him to take it.

Take the marshmallow, Ray.]

[ghoststanning]

[Oh

Uh

Yeah he can't... take that.]

I'm sorry, I'm pretty sure my hand would burn off if I take that.